being with

One of the hardest parts of parenting is all the emotion that children feel and their need for us as parents to help organize and make sense of their feelings. Many parents I talk to admit that this often is the biggest challenge to parenting. Many of us were not given much help as children with our emotions and as a result feel threatened and anxious by our children’s seemingly enormous feelings. My 8-year-old was distraught a few nights ago because she was not able to take a bath. Tears, more tears.. lots more tears, I started to feel anxious, I wondered ( as is often the case) – will this ever end? I had to calm myself down and make the effort to just be with her. I sat by her, I empathized at how sad she was feeling and how disappointing it is to not get what you want. Everything in me wanted to fix it, distract her, anything but be with her in her feelings. But experience has taught me that that is exactly what we often need, just be with me. After what felt like a long time, she stopped crying, brushed her teeth and was quite happy by bedtime. It was hard for me to be with her in her sadness, but by entering her 8-year-old world and empathizing with her, I was teaching her that her feelings matter and that they don’t have to overwhelm but that they will pass.