repair

It had been one of those days.. I was exhausted, at capacity and yet still needing to function for the sake of my family. My 10-year-old daughter was tired from a long busy weekend, I was anxious for her to go to bed. Unfortunately, she did not lie down sweetly and go to sleep as I was hoping! instead, there came the resistance- at every effort made I was cut down, I knew I needed to be calm and present but my blood was beginning to boil! and so it came, my shouting, my use of harsh words and then me slamming the door and storming off! as I sat in the living room, I felt shame at my behavior. I went and sat outside and let the cool air calm my flooded brain. I was slowly able to move from a reactive state to a reflective one, I was able to offer myself compassion at how tired I was feeling and at how hard parenting can be sometimes. I know that I fail my children daily but what matters is the repair. So I went back to my daughter and we talked, she apologized for being rude, I apologized for getting angry. She said ” it’s ok Mummy we all have our days when everything feels like it is too much.” There was such sweetness in this moment of repair. The fact is we will fail our children, we are human there is no way around this. What is hopeful is that the repair is where emotional growth and connection take place, this is where love is strengthened and our children will learn that it’s ok to mess up sometimes.